Since I'm guessing that you're more in the pop-cultural loop than I am, I'll bet you've already heard this heartbreaking news: the 1982 musical, Annie, is being remade for release in 2014. I know.
Although it's always curious when a not-just-serviceable-but-pretty-exemplary films -- like, say Psycho, Planet of The Apes, Carrie or Annie -- get remade at all (after all, what are the chances it'll actually be better?) it's pretty simple to connect the dots. A studio exec does some simple math and makes her pitch: All of those little girls who loved Annie in the 80s probably have Annie-aged daughters of their own by now, capturing two neat demographic chunks.
Perhaps in an effort to avoid direct comparisons -- or maybe just as another demographic grab -- the movie has been modernized from 1933 to current day. Every article I read touts an "edgy" cast that includes Quvenzhane Wallis as Annie and Jamie Foxx as Benjamin Stacks, a revamped Daddy Warbucks. Oh, and the whole thing is directed by Will Gluck, who took on cinematic gems Friends With Benefits and, ug, Easy A. Is John Huston turning in his grave?
It's an issue near and dear to our hearts, as Annie has recently become the talk of the Lab. We've watched the movie, read and re-read a comic book of the movie that I acquired in the 1990s, and listened to the soundtrack again and again and again. After listen number 75 -- I'm not exaggerating, people -- the cream really rises to the top. And by cream, I'm referring to Carol Burnett, who somehow makes Miss Hannigan horrible-but-hilarious, simultaneously cringe-worthy and non-threatening. I think that almost anyone could have played Annie, but Burnett really makes the film with her absolutely necessary comic relief.
Which brings me to the worst aspect of the entire remake: Cameron Diaz is cast as an "edgy" Miss Hannigan. I'm not entirely sure what that means, but early accounts of the filming have focused on the cut-off shorts she's been wearing and her great 41-year-old gams.
It's just too much for a Burnett fan to take. There's no way I'll be able to bring myself to watch the remake next December. In fact, I'll probably be watching the original for the 1,650th time. It's ok. Because Burnett really kills this song: